literature

The Fallen Star

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Literature Text

Ariel smiled softly, as people crowded around her, tugging at her hair, flicking makeup brushes across her face, and the like. For most people, this would feel strange, but to her, it was just another day. It was always like this, getting all prettied up before an appearance. If she were ever to be seen without her makeup and hair done, it would be all over the tabloids... which was, of course, something she'd like to avoid. Thankfully, thus far her efforts to keep up a good reputation were successful. Everybody knew her and loved her... she was famous, and for all the right reasons. The girl that everyone wanted to be. That was her. And she wasn't about to disappoint them.
"Well, we best be going. Don't want to show up late!" Beamed Ariel, as she stood up, and smoothed out her dress. All eyes were on her, but it didn't bother her because she was used to it. As selfcentered as it may be, she really quite enjoyed the attention..not that she'd acknowledge that. Ariel had always come of as 'the perfect child' in the eyes of most people. I mean..she had it all... beautiful red hair, porcilain skin, and a slender figure... a great, honest smile, a voice sweeter than vanilla, and the most beautiful shimmering blue eyes that anyone had ever seen. She looked like an angel. Closing her eyes, she made a wish as always.. a wish that the day would go well. And then...she opened them...
...And reality came spiraling back into view. Tears welled up in the former stars eyes as she woke up from the dream. Oh how she missed those good ole days of acting with not a care in the world other than her appearance. She had fallen so far.. she was, in all essence, a fallen star. Immediately after she had fallen ill, there were reporters and news cameras and the press outside of the glass every waking minute...and probably every sleeping one as well. She couldn't stand it! The idea of all her work to seem perfect falling apart as the whole world saw her at her weakest moments.. it was an awful thing to even think about.
"Great..." she had complained to herself. "Once I get better, I'm going to have to work extra hard to make them all forget about it. Stupid tabloids..."
But that day never came. Sicker and sicker she got, and the sicker she got, the less came. Eventually, no one came at all. No one except one person. That silly boy that she had played opposite in that silly romance movie... what was it...? The Forrest Walk...? no... The Snowflake? no... that couldn't be it... The Nightsky? No... well, no matter, she'd just ask him when he came that day. As he always did, and always had.
She was quickly startled out of her thoughts by a prompt tapping at the glass. Dess was here, finally. His arrival had always been the highlight of her day, and it seemed like it would stay that way forever. Ariel smiled and waved at him through the glass. Despite warnings from the nurses, she suddenly realized what she wanted to do. Quickly, she climbed out of bed, and unsteadily made her way towards the glass wall that seperated them, and peered at the boy with sorrow-filled eyes. It made his heart melt straight into the ground, the thought of not being able to hold her right then... but he knew she couldn't. He also knew that he should call the nurses to tell them that she was out of bed, but..he didn't. Instead, he just placed his hand on the glass, and was quickly met with her own. Dess's face grew red, as Ariel felt her own face heating up.
They stayed that way for a moment, as he peered into her eyes. Suddenly, something clicked,and without warning, Dess yanked away his hand and grabbed the whiteboard that he had brought along. On it, in barely readable letters, he scrawled out the words, "The Fallen Star". At that moment, all her memories came flooding back.
OK, my entry for this write-to-adopt thingy..number 2 to be exact. [link]
I had actually been planning this story out in my head for quite some time, but I just couldn't decide on Ariel's design...
and then I saw that selfy, and it hit me like a timebomb.
So... I wrote this. I know its a bit sad but... It will get better! And I will right more about them later on!!!

P.S. Dess is [link] and yes, his full first name is in fact, Destiny. Yeah...um..you can see why he goes by Dess.
© 2013 - 2024 Raiyenn
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Cyrk990's avatar
:star::star::star-half::star-empty::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Impact

Little tragic, mildly heartwarming and a cautionary tale on the fickleness of popularity, fragility of life and the misery inherent in love, while still glorifying vanity just a little.

Just skimming back over this, you have a certain fondness for commas that makes your prose very choppy, trust your reader to figure out the natural rythm of your work. On that note, be carefull with ellipses. They are sometimes overused.

There are a few minor grammatical errors, like ' being an apostrophe and " being a quotation mark and only one R in "The Forest Walk". Just little things that may scupper your efforts in serious writing and invites the scorn of pretty "grammar nazis".